What Sicilians Can Teach Western Culture About Grief
January 20, 2026
By Marie Gorman
Keywords: grief rituals, cultural grief, trauma-informed grief therapy, outward expression of grief, communal mourning, grief and culture, somatic grief healing
In many parts of the world, grief rituals and cultural approaches to mourning shape how people heal after loss. For Sicilians, grief is not something to be hidden or overcome. It is witnessed, shared, spoken aloud, and woven into community life. Grief is understood as a human experience that deserves expression, support, and ritual.
In contrast, much of American and Western culture tends to value emotional restraint, productivity, and a quick return to “normal.” Grief is often expected to be managed quietly, efficiently, and on a socially acceptable timeline. This push to “move on” often leaves the bereaved feeling isolated and unsupported .
By looking at how Sicilian culture models grief, we can begin to imagine healthier, more compassionate ways of responding to loss.
Grief as a Communal Experience
In traditional Sicilian communities, loss activated the entire village. Neighbors gathered. Family members stayed close. Meals were prepared, stories were told, and the bereaved were rarely left in solitude. In some areas of Sicily, when a person dies, their body is brought to their home for a vigil: the door is left open and the body displayed for all in the town to visit.
Public mourning rituals, such as wailing, crying openly, wearing black, and speaking repeatedly about the deceased, served an important psychological function. They signaled to others: “Something significant has happened here. This person needs care.”
Rather than being seen as “too much,” emotional expression was understood as a natural response to love and loss. Western culture, in comparison, often places the burden of grief on the individual. The expectation is to grieve privately and resume functioning as soon as possible.
The Power of Outward Expression
Sicilian mourning traditions allowed for somatic and emotional release. Crying loudly, repeating the name of the deceased, and sharing stories of the deceased are practices that help regulate the nervous system and process shock.
In some areas, Sicilian grief wailers, known as rripitiatrici or cianciulini, were traditionally hired as professional mourners. They performed structured, melodic laments (lamentu) at funerals characterized by a communal expression of cries, songs and movement. These “wailers” were often women within the community including older relatives and neighbors of the deceased. The practice honored the intensity of the loss by intensifying the emotional expression of grief.
It would be reasonable to conclude that this invitation to emote, express, move through and gather together while grieving did not just benefit Sicilian hearts, but their minds and bodies as well. Grief is not only emotional; it is physiological. Loss impacts the body, breath, sleep, appetite, and sense of safety.
In many Western settings, people learn early that strong emotions should be contained. Tears are acceptable only briefly. Suppressing expression may help someone appear “strong,” but it often delays healing. As a result, grief often remains unprocessed and emerges later as anxiety, depression, chronic stress, or physical symptoms.
Ritual, Repetition, and Meaning-Making
Sicilian grief rituals were not one-time events. Mourning unfolds over months and years. Anniversaries are observed including the Festa Dei Morti on every November 2nd. This ritual includes decorating an alter with photos and gifts for loved ones who have died. It also can include children receiving sweets on behalf of the deceased (frutta martorana, ossa dei morti, and pupi di zucchero). Stories are retold, keeping the memories of the deceased strong. Clothing and behaviors signal loss long after the funeral ended. For example, children of the deceased often wear black for up to a year after the loss while widows often wear black for the rest of their lives.
Grief is not linear, and it does not resolve neatly in stages. Rituals like these provide structure for emotions that feel overwhelming and helps integrate loss into ongoing life. In Western culture, the absence of meaningful grief rituals can leave people feeling unmoored. Learning from Sicilian traditions (as well as many other cultures) invites us to slow down and honor grief as a process, not a problem to be fixed.
What Western Culture Can Learn About Grief and Healing
Sicilian models of grief offer several lessons that remain deeply relevant today:
Grief deserves visibility. Expressing sorrow openly invites connection rather than shame.
Community matters. Healing happens in relationship, not isolation.
There is no timeline for loss. Grief changes shape, but it does not disappear.
The body needs release. Tears, voice, and movement are part of processing.
Rituals support healing. Meaningful practices help integrate loss over time.
These lessons challenge the Western emphasis on stoicism and independence. They remind us that grief is not a weakness, it is a reflection of attachment, love, and humanity.
Bringing These Lessons Into Modern Life
We may not live in tight-knit villages or follow traditional mourning customs, but we can still apply these principles:
Allow yourself to speak about your loss, even when it feels repetitive
Let trusted people witness your grief rather than carrying it alone
Create personal rituals to honor anniversaries or memories
Normalize tears and emotional expression, for yourself and others
Offer presence rather than solutions to grieving people
At Embody Mental Health, we view grief through a trauma-informed, culturally aware lens, integrating somatic and relational approaches to grief therapy that honor the body, emotions, and meaning-making after loss. We believe that healing happens when emotions are allowed, the body is listened to, and loss is honored rather than rushed.
Grief does not ask us to “move on.” It asks us to move with what has been lost and cultures like Sicily’s show us that when grief is shared, it becomes more survivable.
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
As a Sicilian American, I grew up in a culture that often modeled an open and communal expression of grief. As a trauma and grief informed therapist, I appreciate now, more than ever, the wisdom of traditional Sicilians in the ways that they embraced and moved through the pain of loss. I continue to explore these folk grief practices and integrate them into my own grief journey while inviting others to do the same with their own ancestral wisdom.
If you are navigating grief, bereavement, or loss and are seeking trauma-informed grief therapy in Illinois, Embody Mental Health offers compassionate support for individuals and families. You do not have to grieve alone.