The Benefits of Moving Toward Interdependent Relationships, Even After Heartbreak
February 17th, 2026
By Macy Lossau
One of the most beautiful parts of life is having people to share it with: getting your dream job and celebrating with your best friend, watching a sunset on a beach with your favorite person, even grieving a loss with someone to support you. And it’s just as beautiful to bear witness to other people’s lives as well: holding your best friend’s newborn, celebrating a hard-earned accomplishment, and comforting someone close in times of need. Our interdependence with the people around us creates connection, safety, and belonging, giving meaning to even the most mundane parts of life.
As children, we rely on our parents to be nurturing, protective caregivers. As teens, we rely on our peers for social support and belonging. And as adults, we rely on all sorts of people - partners, friends, doctors, etc. For some people, depending on those around us is easy, a natural part of day-to-day life. But for those of us who have experienced broken relationships, broken trust, or our needs not being met, relying on others can feel unsafe and threatening.
For example, let’s say your parents provided the basic necessities for a growing child: food, clothing, and shelter. However, they dismissed your emotions, belittled you, or didn’t support your interests. At a crucial time for development, your emotional needs weren’t met, and you experienced a broken relationship with someone who was supposed to care for you.
Similarly, maybe you had a few friends in high school or college, but you didn’t have anyone who felt like a best friend who you could always rely on for support. Maybe you were bullied or excluded by your peers or even teachers/mentors. In the same way, your emotional needs were not met, and you weren’t able to learn how to safely rely on the people around you.
As an adult, navigating relationships of any kind can be difficult, and our trust and relationships can be broken in the same way. A partner may engage in infidelity, a friend may move across the country and grow distant, or someone you are supposed to trust may treat you with disrespect or a lack of care. In all these situations, the people we are supposed to rely on can no longer meet our needs and support us appropriately.
After a rupture in relationship or our needs not being met, it can feel threatening to attempt to engage in relationships again. When the rupture occurs during a critical time in development, when it has become a pattern, or when significant vulnerability or trust has been betrayed, this can be especially true. In an effort to protect ourselves from harm again, we may isolate ourselves or avoid relationships and situations that have the potential for rupture to be repeated. For some, this may look like hyperindependence, abandonment of our own needs, or a refusal to accept support from others.
In this way, leaning into our own independence may protect us from harm, and it is an excellent skill that can keep us safe. Similar strategies and skills may show up in new relationships, serving the purpose of protecting us and maintaining our image of being okay. In dangerous or emotionally unsafe situations, we need these strategies to maintain our internal status quo and keep ourselves safe.
After a negative relationship experience, the hurt and betrayal stay with us, in both our minds and bodies. However, the rest of life keeps moving. We grow older, learn how to care for ourselves in new and improved ways, and no longer need to rely on old strategies. The skills we used to protect ourselves have likely become more exhausting than helpful, and we may have become lonely doing things all on our own. Still, allowing others to support us, even in the most menial ways, can feel threatening and scary, causing physical and emotional reactions to the potential of being exposed and hurt.
There is no “right” way to begin exploring new relationships after being hurt. Everyone’s experience is different, and we all need different things to become comfortable opening ourselves up to new people. This is where therapy can help: by providing a space for you to process the past without judgment or expectations, and by supporting you in learning how to navigate new or challenging relationships with strategies and skills that work for you!
Depending on others is scary; there is an understandable risk that comes with opening yourself up to someone new, especially after being hurt in the past. But it can also provide relief, connection, and joy, especially when using new skills and strategies that can protect you and support you. The chance to be seen and cared for (and the chance to care for someone else, too) is a chance worth taking; it might just take some getting used to.